Growing up I was a YES! person. You know I would say yes to everything that you wanted me to do. I was classic People Pleaser.
You needed help moving sure! You need me to work an extra project of course. You have a problem and need someone to vent on- of course I am your girl! You want me to stay late at work on Friday afternoon working on a project whose deadline you procrastinated and it means that I would have to cancel a happy hour meetup (oops I forgot to text such person that I couldn’t make it about it which lead to conflict) yup! Been there and done that over and over.
In the process, I hurt others and most importantly myself. I overextended myself to the point of burnout. I became mo0dy and irritable. Most importantly it always lead me back to my crazy eating disorder behavior.
Why did I always have to say Yes? Because I was afraid. I lived in fear of you seeing me for who I truly am and what my basic needs were. I was afraid that I would lose your love, respect and acceptance. Little did I know that by always saying yes, my fears were getting met.
The process of learning how to say no has been imperfect and slow moving part in my life today. I had to get honest and accept that it would be easier to be uncomfortable in the short term than in the long term. That its not about whether you like me or not, it’s about whether I like myself enough to stand in my truth.
For today my commitment is to only say yes that are absolutely what feels 110% right and say no to the things that I absolutely don’t need to do. Yes it feels absolutely uncomfortable and I do feel guilty sometimes but at the end of the day I need to do it for my sanity.
Yes these means that I will have more time and space to take care of me. A friend sent me this reminder this morning as I was reminded hey you can say no to the things that are no longer working.
Self-Love Note: I allow space in my actions, mind, and heart to be still, quiet, and empty.- @jilltpalmer
— Laura Yamin (@lryamin) September 19, 2012
Q for you! I am curious to hear what are some of your own techniques when it comes to coping with saying no?